Change....

If you know me at all you would know that I HATE.... change. Of any kind. I don't know if it has to do with my up bring that every corner was change but I hate it. It is what gives me anxiety.... But my Sweet Lord knows that Change is what makes me grow.

What has happen in just this week is overwhelming at times. My sister who has been by my side for the last four months has left. She had to go home. At times  I wanted her to leave thinking it would go back to normal.... yes Normal!!!! LOL, what is normal? I guess I thought her being here was the reason for things being so crazy.... NOPE not the reason... The reason is that 7 months ago the bottom fell out of my life. I asked the Lord I want to love you more. Trust you more, see you more....

How does that happen in our lives. Through CHANGE!!!!! 

Everyday I wake up and think this is not real. Last night as I was rubbing my hubby's head because he was in so much pain... it hit me this is happening. The change ,the craziness is my new normal. Wow, Lord help me see you. Lord help me be the light you need me to be. Help me be the mom to help my babies. Help me be the caretaker you need me to be. Lord help me.... I am weak I need you... That was my prayer...

My husband is sick!!! To write that statement makes me sick. I need him!!!!! How am I going to do this alone..... CHANGE!!!!

Lord I am going to need you to hold me!!!

CHANGE.... I will be a single mother.....

CHANGE.... my rock will have to only be the Lord....

He is not dying today PRAISE THE LORD!!! He is fighting today... He is showing my babies what it is to trust the Lord today... He is showing me what we do for Love... He is being that leader I know and love.. He is my rock star . He complains so little!!! He is always trying to smile to show light even through the pain that makes his body shake... Again proud to be his wife... To have the gift to take care of him..Thank you Lord for moving us to Fl. SO I was able to meet Cory and have the gift of being his wife. I love being his wife... He brings me JOY.... Praise you for this gift!!

 But he is in pain..

He is weak in a way I never have seen him...

Change...... Change....

What I do know is that my heavenly Father is not Change... He is the same today ,tomorrow and forever!!!!!

So this is hard, painful,and the hardest thing I have ever done... this Change I would not CHANGE  for anything...

I have loved harder, severed harder, PRAYED  harder then I have ever done in my life... 

Thank you Lord for making me see you in this change...

Provs.3:5-6