Walking by faith is hard....

Walking by faith it is so hard.  I know fail  all the time. I am always working on  plan B.  I read the word where it says that the Lord will take care of all of my needs ...YES   But still work on selling stuff doing something to make things work faster then waiting. It's like when you are watching what you are eating and then you over eat you kick your self because you should  of just walked a way!!!! That is how I feel when I work on plan B.... This after noon I let my thought take over and while Cory was making my girls closet work better for us I had a anxiety attack. I told him "Honey I feel like I am going to have a heart attack".... But I stopped and took a deep breath . Praise the Lord that I have his Word that is true and stronger then anything EVERY WHERE  in our house ... the verse  Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren,whatever is TRUE,   ( Edith you are sitting nursing your baby...) whatever is honorable, ( Edith the Lord is sitting with you RIGHT know) whatever is right, ( Edith the Lord loves you more then the bird) whatever is pure, ( God is pure) whatever is lovely ( your girls are lovely) good what ever is of repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of PRAISE, dwell on these things.... stop and pray .

That is what I did... Cory was like "honey are you okay."  Yep it just left. You see I have been off my anxiety meds for two weeks. I know.... why did you get off ?.... Not that I am against it AT ALLLLLLLLLLL  but I just felt one is was such a small dose.  Second I am always going to have a reason to fear , doubt , worry . I need to lean on the Lord and Learn to deal with these thoughts.... this is so hard... Now I am sure of it if things in life become more then I can handle I have not problem to get back on them .... But for today speaking out loud to myself of where I am and what God is doing gave me peace. I am ok with that today...  Walking by faith is hard. At times so much more then I can handle ... but I think that is the point!!!!! I am not suppose to handle it . Cast your worries on me says the Lord.. He can handle them  for  me. I know that is the only reason that I can walk this walk that is only going to getting harder and with alot more question... I do NEED PRAYER!!!!  I can do nothing with out prayer..... Please pray for me  that I will stop working on plan B's ... That when my thoughts take over and my fear takes over that I will feel the Lord holding me...  

Thank you for all the ones who pray for me .. Thank you for all the encouraging words daily that I get ... most of all thank you for letting me share....  Funny thing is I was not going to write about any of this when I started... I was going to share about how I miss my babies but I guess the Lord had other plans LOL...

What a year.....

What a year we have had with baby boy. I prayed for this sweet baby for 4 years and I had no idea when or what was coming when this sweet blessing would come.... Cory and I have question the Lord's time line why know when he is sick and not 4 years ago when he was at his best... but to be honest we need him. Louis showed us hope, Joy , blessing.  By having Louis at this time it has helped Cory fight. He wants to see him grow .. And "we made it " Louis is one ..... Cory is here and healthy other then cancer .... we are so thankful that our ways are not Your ways Lord that our timing is not your timing ... I am going to share a little of my time this past year and what a blessing my family has been to me... here we go...

 

 

   First Titi Lissette was able to come and spend the summer with me and baby boy... We did not know that he was going to be so sick she stepped right in and took care of my home, my girls and me... Words could no explain how grateful Cory and I where for that... We laughed sang at time when I was in the hospital and overwhelmed . She was the best . Melaine spending the mornings with me in the begin so I would not be alone... Monica holding baby boy so I could sleep. Them both playing with my girls and just being there for us ...  Again thankful that this gift from the Lord allowed my sister to come and spend the summer with me... Know this summer my girls are going for three weeks to spend the summer with her....

 Then the bottom fell out of my life and Lizzy had to  go home but once again my sister stepped in this time. It was a sister that was far away but she came with all of her babies and  her husband.... To hold my hand and help me with the hardest time of my life ... She was my nurse praise the Lord that she loves medicine ( she really should  become a Dr.) and is ok with throw up and smells because there where many times that she would clean up after Cory because I could not do it... She home schooled all the kids ages 2-10 and they loved it... Baby boy would fall a sleep on her anywhere which was a blessing for me so I could be with Cory... Thankful that my mommy made us all have buddies and she was my buddy for sure. Loren you are such a blessing thank you for loving on my babies, cooking, cleaning , organizing, laughing, CRYING lots of crying ... what would I have done those four Months....

Lastly but not least my sister Jessie who is right up the street and my go to baby sister when mommy is not around.... Jessie has been on the side lines knowing that when my other sister's had to leave she would be the one that would help out...  Jessie has just been blessed with boys so she helps me with Louis... Always telling me that is a boy thing ... She knows how to play with him and helps me understand him... also she is the mommy of Justin his favorite person on earth so that is a plus thank you sister  for loving on me and calling me everyday to make sure that we are ok or coming over to play so you can love up on little man:)

Then there is my mommy that with out her I would not be able to keep anything going..... She is always there loving on my little man who loves her more then any thing... so great ful for a Godly mom who prays with me, cry's with me , laughs with me and is just such a example that being a mom never ends... We are never going to  stop worrying, helping, and praying for our kids.... I am truly am blessed that this is my mama.


SO Yes this year with baby boy has been a fast one and a VERY hard one at times but having him  has been such a blessing thank you Lord for hearing my prayers and blessing me with Louis may he grow up to love you sever you and make you the Master of his life....