Renew my thinking

Ok so I have been struggling with my weight my whole life.... I have three beautiful SMALLLLLLLL, sister's and I am the one who has always been more curvy. Yes they are studies out there on how to love your body. That you are not the number on the scale but those are all things we say but no one really lives like that. I mean we have days that we feel like we are on top of the world. We don't feel like the number on the scale. We don't need to lose 4 or 5 more lbs. But those days are far in between . So I made up my mind that I am going to challenge my self to take FULL  sizes photo's of my self and post them. Not to get oh wow you look good... just to take away that fear. You know the fear that people on the other side of computer are saying wow Edith really has gotten big. Or did you see what she is wearing... I WANT THE POWER BACK....I want more then to read God's word where it says that he made me beautiful.... I want to believe it. Yes I am  working on losing weight . I know I will my whole life. I will buy the wraps. Drink the pills all to get down to what ever size. I don't even know the size... I have met and talked with ladies who I think have great bodies and in 5 munties will tell me why they need to work on there bodies or need to lose 5 more lbs. So I don't know what the number is ... I think the key is JOY.... Yep Joy in my own skin. Not in my head. To stop those lies and really just enjoy myself.. Not take 10 photo's before posting ... Or make my friend to stand on a chair so my neck will look long... I mean that is sad when people meet me some may say you look so thin in your photo's but you are NOT.... LOL. 

Like my sweet Isabell said to me the other day mom you always tell me to love my self. But you hate your self why?  I think the Lord gave me her so I could be on my knees all day some time... Ouch she is right. I tell my girls daily how pretty they are but they just hear me say wow I want to change this or that... I am such a lair.... 

    Now this Challenge is for me if you want to join me please do . Some days I may be dress some days I may have my PJs that I wore all day with no MAKE UP..... Just let you guys know so I have to do it. I really wanted to do this for a long time but am to much of a chicken ... love you ladies please pray that my image of me will change to a healthy God fearing one... That I may have Joy just because I am the daughter of the King and nothing else...

Wake up call and disappoinments

Last night on our way home my sweet Isabell gave us a wake up call just by asking questions...
It started with "mom" yes Isabell. "what stage of cancer is daddy in "... That took me back . Then I said he is in change 4 . Isabell said " but mom he went up then because he was in stage 3"... yep honey it did go up but  the chemo is working.

       Why was that conversation important; you see since the last scans we got such  a good report . Such as the cancer cells are down 50 %!!!  You would think that would bring peace and joy right. Yes they have but at the same time we where left in the air.  Questions that took over our mind where..... What is next do we keep planning? Do we start Planning again? How much time do we have?  You see we were living in doomsday for so long. Cory was getting ready to go home. He was even getting a little giddy about it. One night he told me he was feeling guilty that he was happy to go home. He said honey I am going to see JESUS!!!! grandma , grandpa and so many more..... With tears in my eyes I told him I know...I know honey...  Then we got the scans came back and it was good news. Also with a little don't get to happy it can come back and with more.. Agian holding our breath. I think what happened last night is that even our babies are like what is next. How long do we have with daddy? That was her way of asking... I think she also heard daddy saying. "I can not wait to be done going to chemo... " I looked at him and said you can not go there honey remember we don't know how many more we have and this is keeping you alive....  
         I know you would say why the questions just live life.... Ok be a women for one day and try not to plan.... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!  We live to plan. We plan our time to the end and even at night when everyone is sleeping we are rethink our plans.....

            Here comes the prayer request:
  1. That we stop thinking everything...
2. That we truly enjoy every minute we have even the ugly...
3. That I forgive the people who have not sent letter,call or even called yet...
I am talking about the people who we thought we had a sweet friendship with and Have known us since we where both young...
4. That we are a example to the Girls on what it is to trust God everyday all day...
5. That we keep being a light to the men and women in the Cancer center..

 Thank you all for reading and listening to me talk.. Sometime I just need to write
   

Update and Prayer

The path that I would not have picked for myself . But our sweet Lord saw fit to let me walk through. I have a lot of saying around my house . Some are verses some just funny;but if you know me saying me a lot to me. I love to find them and have them all around my house .... lately a lot of them have made me see that I really was getting ready for this storm without knowing. Our sweet Lord gave me the love for these saying because they would help me on the good days and on the hard days. 

This past week was a hard one. Cory had his third chemo treatment and before we even left he was already throwing up. Which was so hard to watch. My husband is a man that has always been so strong. Never really complains about pain or has ever really been sick. Then CANCER and all of this change. His strength is gone, his love for food and know his has a look of defeat. This is the hardest thing to look at. Cory knows God is good all the time. I thank the Lord for that but the look of I am tried is overwhelming at times. I think to myself am I being selfish because I am asking him to do this just to buy us more time.... I love my husband he is such a good daddy and he is my best friend but I want him to not have any more pain.

I want him to just enjoy food and not have to beg the Lord for him not to throw up.

This next week is going to be long ..... On Wednesday we have scans and on Thursday we will find out where we stand... That is what we where told before chemo this past Tuesday. I got the feeling of wanting to throw up. FEAR came over me.... 

"PRAYER CHANGES THINGS" a sweet saying I have in my room.... Thank you Lord for your reminder. All I can do from today till Thursday is pray. All I can ask is for all my friends and family to pray...

Thank you Lord for you sweet blessings in this storm...

" Faith is not knowing what the FUTURE hold but knowing who holds the future" this saying is right by Cory's bed side....

Again a sweet reminder who is holding me through this storm.

Thank you all for your prayers keep them coming 

Cancer a Sweet blessing from God

Yes you read right Cancer a sweet blessing from God....

I didn't think I would ever say those words. I mean we are 31 years old colon cancer stage 4 is not suppose to happen. Cory's a healthy strong man of God.. WHY???  I have had those moments too. More then I would like to say. But the question is why not... as far as the Dr.s have said Cory was born with this. He was going to get colon cancer,and he already had it for 4 years with nothing to show for it. No pain, no bleeding nothing just time with family, time to have Louis, time to be a light at work TIME....  

That is why I think Cancer is a blessing it gives us TIME.....

WHAT?? I know some of you are saying WHAT??? Edith has lost her mind... let's be honest we all listen and say Amen when we here the pastor say "ALL OUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED"..... but do we live that way ...NO!!!! we don't we all think we have tomorrow we have years.But when you get that call to come in and the Dr. says it is aggressive CANCER time is all you see.                           How much time? What do I do with my time? What did I do with my time???

Cancer has MADE Cory and I stop time and ask what really counts?

 Cancer has been a blessing because of a few things so far. One my faith has grown so much God's word has come to life so much more. PRAYER has been such a big part of this walk me praying other people praying. Cancer has been a blessing because of old sweet friend have called ,sent card and follow us on FaceBook. Cancer has been a blessing because worship means so much more. Crying out to God reading his word brings peace, grace, understanding even in this storm that I would of never picked for my self...Cancer has been a blessing because I take time to look at Cory . REALLY LOOK at him. Study him , smell him know him more ,talk, laugh and cry... My sweet  girls have shared with me  "mom Cancer has been a blessing because we don't take for granted the fact that I can hug our daddy". 

For us today we are stopping putting off things like vaction, worship, playing games, hugging, and just being together... Because even though Cory is fighting and trusting we know that his time with us is not as long as we thought... When I said the word " for sickness and in health to death do us part"  11 years ago; I really never thought it would be happening in our 30's I thought when we are both old and grey.... 

Proverbs 3:5-6 the verse that Cory and I both Love...

 " Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and do not LEAN on your own understanding.6. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight..."

How true this verse has been threw this walk.. The ups and the downs I must trust that God is good all the time all the time God is Good...

Live today like your time is counted..