Never stop telling your story

It has been sometime since I have written anything... What do I write about nothing new :) So I have been praying and the Lord has shown me that we all have a story to share and we should never stop telling it.... I have been studing in Acts and the more you study the more you see that all the mircales where done for only one reason. To bring people to the Lord!!!! They would do a mircale and thousands of people would come to know the Lord!!! But for some reason I have allowed satan to make me think everyone is tried of hearing your story. We know already  Cory has been  healed. Or we know you got saved. But that is the point don't stop telling your story!!! By not sharing is one of the tools satan uses to stop sharing the gospel .  We start questioning is God even real. Is the bible a book of stories. The bible is not relateable for today ! I mean when to last time you saw some one be rise from the died.... I would say before Christmas when Dr. C was on his death bed and was able to get up and say I love you one more time. When Cory was told you have six months and he is working today as I write this. My God is is in the business of healing. I look at my dear childhood friend Liz Berry who baby boy Sam should not be running . BUT he is !!!! Come on lets us not forget our stories our mircales !!!! Let shout them out !! Lets tell anyone who will hear!Let make God alive again . Lets show this new generation that is so diconnected with God see that the God of Acts is alive today !!! His POWER is still great today!!! Saul never stopped telling his story on how he saw God ! How he lost his sight three days and then Ananias came to him and said " Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on the raod as you ca,e, has sent me that you may receive your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.:  Immediately there fell from his eyes something like scales, and he received his sight at once; and he arose and was baptized. Acts 9;17-18 . He never stop telling his story even when followers of Jesus question his story out of fear. As Saul was a man that killed so many Jesus followers... but his life told his story... his life from that day on was told to bring people to Christ. You see our stories are for a reason we have all differnent ones for a reason. Things that I go through are not for everyone... but when I am at Duke and I see a couple wife and husband fighting the fight of cancer I can share my story of hope.So not sharing is worng. I will share till God takes away my last breath. I want to never forget what he has done in life!!!! I will challenge eveyone I know today if you have the Holy Spirit tell you share.... listen there is a reason God is telling you to share . He knows the hearts and knows the right times.  Your story should not bring you shame your past should bring you JOY ! You can share how in times of hardship or darkness the only thing that gave you hope, joy, peace is the Lord he is alive . The BIBLE is real . OUR GOD is still the one on the THRONE !!!!! AMEN !

Eyes tell the story~~~~~

    I have to say writting this blog is going to be hard.  But for me as all my friends know keeping it in just makes it hard to breath..... As am writing this I am hearing the song is     "JUST Breath"..We are tried this ride we got on 2 years ago is a hard one. I am always nervous to write because I don't want people to roll their eyes and say here we go again .... she is talking about cancer and the hardish... Get over it!!! At least that is a lie that I have to fight in my head~~~~~ Clearly no one has said that to us praise the Lord but to be honest all my prayer request are always about scans and tests that we going to have . Cory and I want to be done with it. We thought we would be. You see two weeks ago Cory went for his Chemotherapy that he gets every other Wednesday and the Dr. told him you are doing so well that we can say we can stop Chemo!!!!! Praise the Lord !!!! All Cory had to do was go and get his FRIST SCAN  not a big deal after chemo. Cory went and got is scan gave it to the Dr.  and came home the happiest he has been in a long time. All smiles we told every one praising the Lord for the Healing that the Lord done.... Then this past Wednesday we went in for chemo. ready to hear that we could stop chemo. the Dr came in and started reading the scans and would not say a word or even look at us.... We went from happy to worry....... Those few mintues felt like forever.... Then he sat down with a sick feeling on his face. The look in his eyes that did not look good...  He said " well I have good news and then just news"

 I wanted to throw up .... he said " Cory your first surgery saved your life.... " YES when we first look at your scans we where so concer in saving your life that we ..... Over looked something.... We over looked and never treated your stomach cancer!!!!!!!! What   is all I could say. We need to do a PT scan and see if the cancer is still there. and if it is we will have to start doing hard chemo again. and with this new news we can not stop doing chemo at all. I am sorry"~~~~~ talk about the rug being pulled from under us. He said something that stood out on me . He said "Cory I can see in your eyes that you are tried. That you are done. You have to keep fighting .... Don't give up!!!! "Well he walked out ... Cory and I held hands and walked down stairs to get chmeo. not saying one word just looking at each other feeling lost overwhelmed , scared  to what will come. The nurse who know us so well said you too look tried ~~~ I started to cry not the good cry the cring that you make loud sounds and feel like breathing is the hardest thing you can do .... yep that bad.... She hugged me and made me laugh by being silly and encouraging. Cory was just quite because he new if he would talk he would start cring. The nurse said  "you still have that smile Cory keep strong you will be find"... My sister Loren called me from Peru and talked with me ; cried with me and best of all made me laugh. How I miss her on these days :(((( I call my sweet Mother in law and gave her the second hardest news at work she is always so strong telling us to not give up on hope and faith.... When Cory talked to his sweet mama he could hardly talk he was like a little boy saying yes mama love you mama.... I just thought how Louis is my baby and how hard it would be for me to see my baby boy hurting.... I can not image what my mom feels when she talks to her baby boy. Then I talked to my other sisters one was like we are here for you and the other was ALLLL postisive ..... Then I called my mommy. She was strong keeping the faith. I do have to say that them all reminding us of Gods answer prayer really helped Cory and I . We have faith that the PT scans are going to be clear . Yes he will still have to keep doing chemo. which is hard . But we will keep the faith God is still in control and he is writing our story. I pray that he will give us rest. We need time to pray, eat and rest..... 

Pray request is next Wednesday at 5 Cory is going in for his scan and Thursday we are getting the results. So far my thought have been strong . I do want to just throw up all day but other then that I have been blessed with great friends that have loved on my family. Taking the girls out , bring dinner and even taking Cory out for a good guy movie.... Truly so much to be blessed for!!! I do miss my sister Loren and wish I could just have her hear with me. She is truly gifted in understanding all the big words that Dr.s say and she was just very encouraging but the Lord send those in the time that are needed..... Going to Missy this weekend to just breath.... 

Love is a action word

Love is a action word! We say it to each other or about something with out thinking one thinking about it. But today after talking with my hubby I truly saw love in action... Ok I am going to share and be raw... I need a place I can say what is in on my mind and I know that people will pray for me .... You see Cory has had a break from chemotherapy for about a month now. Not by the Dr.s orders more because he needed to take care of me I had to have surgery for some women stuff. So due to that he had to skip his chemotherapy. I have to say it was nice ... He was back to his old self. Working side jobs redoing my kitchen... You see Cory will keep doing all those things and that is where LOVE comes in. He works through or ignore his headaches, that melt taste you get after chemotherapy, his body aches because of getting his white blood count shot... all to show us LOVE.... I have to say I am so thankful that he is here doing all this but today was hard . He called me and told me that the Dr. said that he is doing ok BUT " no more breaks"..... he said the Dr. said that we need to be careful that his cancer can come back so fast... So why am I fighting going into a pit... I have to say reading all the FB post of all our other friends walking through cancer. They start there path have REALLY bad months even year but then it stops. They get to hug the Dr.s neck and go on with out any more chemotherapy... Please I don't  take what I am say this to be mean in anyway Cory and I celebrate with you all. We cry when we hear that someone got cancer we understand the fear, all the questions that come to your mind... For me it is just hard when I know we are not going to have our last day of treatment party.... More like lets make a party that we made it ... When I write that I feel so ungrateful . I think only people that have something like a disability in some way understand... It is just different . Life in general some days everything is ok  you look at it and say I got this I can do this!!! Then they are days that you are more like Why ???? how can I do this I need you Lord???? That is what I am talking about I am having one of those days. The day that I am so great full that Hubby is here; but I hate what he has to go through to be here. Then truth comes in I know that the Lord has a great plan. I see the blessing in cancer at times. today my thoughts are just in a litte fog... One thing I am so thankful that my kids gets to see the word LOVE in action. They get to see how there daddy keeps going... The way he fight for them and not says a word of complaining. Even though he has every reason to say something... They see that when he is tried he looks up for help. SO thank you Lord even though this is so HARD!!!! Thank you that I am blessed to have a husband that LOVES you and us each day ...

Plan B ~~~~

 Plan B when did this come into play the moment we heard you have cancer... I hate that everything is around that word.  Since that day we are not to say the least "normal" we have to ask the Dr.s about everything even when we go to the dentist.  While with that in mind Cory shared with me something he really wanted. Cory is not some one who asks me for things. A month ago when we where visiting our friends we went to there sunday school and a lady came in with her sweet baby girl. She was so sweet ... Cory looked at me and said " I really want a baby girl" I looked at him with a " you are crazy face" and did not think anything about it.... But then we where in Flordia visiting my sister and the same thing happened again a young sweet family came in and with there baby girl . Cory looked over and said " I want a baby girl"  I was like really. That  was PLAN A  we had planed to have another baby... BEFORE  cancer .  

Here is where today comes to play Cory is doing great maybe we can have a baby right!!! While we went to the Dr. today and asked one of our Dr. she is a young lady who does not even have kids of her own. I said to her Dr. we have a question do you think that we would be able to another baby? She took a deep breath and at that moment our other Dr came in to say Hi. She looked so happy to see him . And said Dr they have a question he looked at her and said you can answer it. Right there Cory and I new the answer was going to be a hard one....  She said guys the answer is NO... To have a baby while having chemo is not a wise thing. The baby can be born with a lot of problems... We new that was mostly likly the answer was NO... but to hear it is something different. She went on to share that even though we got two clear scans we are not out of the woods. Cory will be getting chemo for another year and half then only a three month break and back on again... This was hard to hear.. I was more sad for Cory.  He really wanted this. He was like one more thing that cancer has taken.... We had some time that we needed to speak truth ourselves... We are so very blessed with three beauitful babies. My cup spill over with blessings . I do ask for prayer as closing a chapter is always hard. Pray that we see blessing.  Pray that even though we got a buket of cold water we know who holds our days in his hand. Thank you for all the prayer keep them coming... love you all

Overwhelmed with Thanksgiving...

It has been a long time since I have written.... I don't even think I wrote after Cory had his clear scans. As you can imagine it has been crazy. We have had our up and downs of emotions. Yes you read right;I did write  downs when it came to emotions. I think the hardest thing for Cory and I was how to act after the scan. When we where going through the storm so many people where holding us and making sure we where ok. Then Cory was clear and everyone gave us space but we did not know what to do with it.  That is the hard part when you are going through the trail we have some who don't know what to do so they don't come by or hang out. But then you have those friends that all they do is come by and bring Potato soup:)  I think Cory and I went through a little of survivor guilt. Why us? What do we do next? My sweet Lord has been so patient with us. Listening to our thoughts and hearing our hearts.. I am so thankful that I have a patient God. Also I am so thankful that I have a God that answers our silly questions..We may never know the Why? But I do see more and more the gifts of last year. I have learned to STOP ! To smell the roses as people say. Cory and I get the saying "enjoy your little ones because this time is not forever...." something you roll your eyes at because you are still not sleeping threw the night.

And have not had quiet time in forever that you think it will never happen again.  Just look Isabell is almost Cory hieght and Sabrina is that best baby sister I could have. You will sleep again and have quiet time. Then when that comes you will miss them sitting on your laps.. 

But one thing that latly has really jumped out at me or I would say a word that really jumped out is PRAYER....   We have learned to pray for our friends the way they prayed for us. To pray for marriages because satan is after our homes.  To pray for our babies. Or just to pray . Prayer is what healed Cory nothing else. Prayer works for all things but for some reason we only pray for food or when we need something. Prayer is the time we talk to Jesus. Stop and think about that. When you Pray you are going to the thron of the creator of everything... WOW  is all I can say about that. Latly my prayer has been more just saying thank  you,  thank you, thank you. 

Why  because my sweet boy points at all the photo's of his daddy and say daddy.

 I can not help but think if the Lord would have  said "no Edith I am taking him home." He would just be seeing the photo.... I would cry everytime that he would point and say Daddy...  You see Louis is in love with his daddy. Thank you Lord for letting him here a little while longer. You see we are all here just for a little while. I am thank ful that Louis gets to eat sugar cereal with his daddy late at night.

Thankful that he gets to share chips on his daddy's lap.  Thank ful that he just has his daddy. When he points and says daddy I say Yes he is at work. Thank you Lord he is at work.. So please keep calling, praying and, taking us to the thron of God . We still need it ... We are still fighting a battle that we all can not see.... Thank you to all my sweet friend who love us, laugh with us, and still cry with us.... Just want to say thank you  truly overwhelmed with Thanksgiving at this time of year when we stop more to say thank you....

Walking by faith is hard....

Walking by faith it is so hard.  I know fail  all the time. I am always working on  plan B.  I read the word where it says that the Lord will take care of all of my needs ...YES   But still work on selling stuff doing something to make things work faster then waiting. It's like when you are watching what you are eating and then you over eat you kick your self because you should  of just walked a way!!!! That is how I feel when I work on plan B.... This after noon I let my thought take over and while Cory was making my girls closet work better for us I had a anxiety attack. I told him "Honey I feel like I am going to have a heart attack".... But I stopped and took a deep breath . Praise the Lord that I have his Word that is true and stronger then anything EVERY WHERE  in our house ... the verse  Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren,whatever is TRUE,   ( Edith you are sitting nursing your baby...) whatever is honorable, ( Edith the Lord is sitting with you RIGHT know) whatever is right, ( Edith the Lord loves you more then the bird) whatever is pure, ( God is pure) whatever is lovely ( your girls are lovely) good what ever is of repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of PRAISE, dwell on these things.... stop and pray .

That is what I did... Cory was like "honey are you okay."  Yep it just left. You see I have been off my anxiety meds for two weeks. I know.... why did you get off ?.... Not that I am against it AT ALLLLLLLLLLL  but I just felt one is was such a small dose.  Second I am always going to have a reason to fear , doubt , worry . I need to lean on the Lord and Learn to deal with these thoughts.... this is so hard... Now I am sure of it if things in life become more then I can handle I have not problem to get back on them .... But for today speaking out loud to myself of where I am and what God is doing gave me peace. I am ok with that today...  Walking by faith is hard. At times so much more then I can handle ... but I think that is the point!!!!! I am not suppose to handle it . Cast your worries on me says the Lord.. He can handle them  for  me. I know that is the only reason that I can walk this walk that is only going to getting harder and with alot more question... I do NEED PRAYER!!!!  I can do nothing with out prayer..... Please pray for me  that I will stop working on plan B's ... That when my thoughts take over and my fear takes over that I will feel the Lord holding me...  

Thank you for all the ones who pray for me .. Thank you for all the encouraging words daily that I get ... most of all thank you for letting me share....  Funny thing is I was not going to write about any of this when I started... I was going to share about how I miss my babies but I guess the Lord had other plans LOL...

What a year.....

What a year we have had with baby boy. I prayed for this sweet baby for 4 years and I had no idea when or what was coming when this sweet blessing would come.... Cory and I have question the Lord's time line why know when he is sick and not 4 years ago when he was at his best... but to be honest we need him. Louis showed us hope, Joy , blessing.  By having Louis at this time it has helped Cory fight. He wants to see him grow .. And "we made it " Louis is one ..... Cory is here and healthy other then cancer .... we are so thankful that our ways are not Your ways Lord that our timing is not your timing ... I am going to share a little of my time this past year and what a blessing my family has been to me... here we go...

 

 

   First Titi Lissette was able to come and spend the summer with me and baby boy... We did not know that he was going to be so sick she stepped right in and took care of my home, my girls and me... Words could no explain how grateful Cory and I where for that... We laughed sang at time when I was in the hospital and overwhelmed . She was the best . Melaine spending the mornings with me in the begin so I would not be alone... Monica holding baby boy so I could sleep. Them both playing with my girls and just being there for us ...  Again thankful that this gift from the Lord allowed my sister to come and spend the summer with me... Know this summer my girls are going for three weeks to spend the summer with her....

 Then the bottom fell out of my life and Lizzy had to  go home but once again my sister stepped in this time. It was a sister that was far away but she came with all of her babies and  her husband.... To hold my hand and help me with the hardest time of my life ... She was my nurse praise the Lord that she loves medicine ( she really should  become a Dr.) and is ok with throw up and smells because there where many times that she would clean up after Cory because I could not do it... She home schooled all the kids ages 2-10 and they loved it... Baby boy would fall a sleep on her anywhere which was a blessing for me so I could be with Cory... Thankful that my mommy made us all have buddies and she was my buddy for sure. Loren you are such a blessing thank you for loving on my babies, cooking, cleaning , organizing, laughing, CRYING lots of crying ... what would I have done those four Months....

Lastly but not least my sister Jessie who is right up the street and my go to baby sister when mommy is not around.... Jessie has been on the side lines knowing that when my other sister's had to leave she would be the one that would help out...  Jessie has just been blessed with boys so she helps me with Louis... Always telling me that is a boy thing ... She knows how to play with him and helps me understand him... also she is the mommy of Justin his favorite person on earth so that is a plus thank you sister  for loving on me and calling me everyday to make sure that we are ok or coming over to play so you can love up on little man:)

Then there is my mommy that with out her I would not be able to keep anything going..... She is always there loving on my little man who loves her more then any thing... so great ful for a Godly mom who prays with me, cry's with me , laughs with me and is just such a example that being a mom never ends... We are never going to  stop worrying, helping, and praying for our kids.... I am truly am blessed that this is my mama.


SO Yes this year with baby boy has been a fast one and a VERY hard one at times but having him  has been such a blessing thank you Lord for hearing my prayers and blessing me with Louis may he grow up to love you sever you and make you the Master of his life....