Renew my thinking

Ok so I have been struggling with my weight my whole life.... I have three beautiful SMALLLLLLLL, sister's and I am the one who has always been more curvy. Yes they are studies out there on how to love your body. That you are not the number on the scale but those are all things we say but no one really lives like that. I mean we have days that we feel like we are on top of the world. We don't feel like the number on the scale. We don't need to lose 4 or 5 more lbs. But those days are far in between . So I made up my mind that I am going to challenge my self to take FULL  sizes photo's of my self and post them. Not to get oh wow you look good... just to take away that fear. You know the fear that people on the other side of computer are saying wow Edith really has gotten big. Or did you see what she is wearing... I WANT THE POWER BACK....I want more then to read God's word where it says that he made me beautiful.... I want to believe it. Yes I am  working on losing weight . I know I will my whole life. I will buy the wraps. Drink the pills all to get down to what ever size. I don't even know the size... I have met and talked with ladies who I think have great bodies and in 5 munties will tell me why they need to work on there bodies or need to lose 5 more lbs. So I don't know what the number is ... I think the key is JOY.... Yep Joy in my own skin. Not in my head. To stop those lies and really just enjoy myself.. Not take 10 photo's before posting ... Or make my friend to stand on a chair so my neck will look long... I mean that is sad when people meet me some may say you look so thin in your photo's but you are NOT.... LOL. 

Like my sweet Isabell said to me the other day mom you always tell me to love my self. But you hate your self why?  I think the Lord gave me her so I could be on my knees all day some time... Ouch she is right. I tell my girls daily how pretty they are but they just hear me say wow I want to change this or that... I am such a lair.... 

    Now this Challenge is for me if you want to join me please do . Some days I may be dress some days I may have my PJs that I wore all day with no MAKE UP..... Just let you guys know so I have to do it. I really wanted to do this for a long time but am to much of a chicken ... love you ladies please pray that my image of me will change to a healthy God fearing one... That I may have Joy just because I am the daughter of the King and nothing else...

Wake up call and disappoinments

Last night on our way home my sweet Isabell gave us a wake up call just by asking questions...
It started with "mom" yes Isabell. "what stage of cancer is daddy in "... That took me back . Then I said he is in change 4 . Isabell said " but mom he went up then because he was in stage 3"... yep honey it did go up but  the chemo is working.

       Why was that conversation important; you see since the last scans we got such  a good report . Such as the cancer cells are down 50 %!!!  You would think that would bring peace and joy right. Yes they have but at the same time we where left in the air.  Questions that took over our mind where..... What is next do we keep planning? Do we start Planning again? How much time do we have?  You see we were living in doomsday for so long. Cory was getting ready to go home. He was even getting a little giddy about it. One night he told me he was feeling guilty that he was happy to go home. He said honey I am going to see JESUS!!!! grandma , grandpa and so many more..... With tears in my eyes I told him I know...I know honey...  Then we got the scans came back and it was good news. Also with a little don't get to happy it can come back and with more.. Agian holding our breath. I think what happened last night is that even our babies are like what is next. How long do we have with daddy? That was her way of asking... I think she also heard daddy saying. "I can not wait to be done going to chemo... " I looked at him and said you can not go there honey remember we don't know how many more we have and this is keeping you alive....  
         I know you would say why the questions just live life.... Ok be a women for one day and try not to plan.... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!  We live to plan. We plan our time to the end and even at night when everyone is sleeping we are rethink our plans.....

            Here comes the prayer request:
  1. That we stop thinking everything...
2. That we truly enjoy every minute we have even the ugly...
3. That I forgive the people who have not sent letter,call or even called yet...
I am talking about the people who we thought we had a sweet friendship with and Have known us since we where both young...
4. That we are a example to the Girls on what it is to trust God everyday all day...
5. That we keep being a light to the men and women in the Cancer center..

 Thank you all for reading and listening to me talk.. Sometime I just need to write